I have had this nauseating feeling within the pit of my stomach ever since I started writing my blogs and figured out that there was some way for me to make money blogging. I was ecstatic, of course, at first, but then as time went on I realized that my writing would eventually start to become about others and pleasing them. That I would not write from my heart, but rather write because I wanted to capture their attention and get more views.
So far I feel like I have done well with just writing from my heart and mind, but at the same time I still feel afraid. I feel like I am always looking over my back and wanting to see how many views my page has received and so on and so forth. Don't get me wrong it would be awesome to have tons of people reading my blog, but at the same time, I write because I love writing. I write because I view writing as an art, not because I want to make money. If I simply wanted to make money I would approach my blog posts the same way I would approach going to flip a burger in Wendy's everyday -- as a means to get a salary. If I can do something that I love most and still benefit from it financially then I will be receiving, what is known as the "best of both worlds."
I wish to write daily not because I want to keep my readers updated all the time, but because I want to express myself in a vivid written format. I want people to read, don't get me wrong! I love people reading my stuff, because I see it as someone coming and seeing a painting that I have just spent so much time putting together every single piece and detail. Writing is creating, and therefore every form of writing is an art in and of itself. You do not have to write poetry for it to be art. You do not necessarily have to write a narrative story for it to be constituted as art.
You simply must create something in which every bit and piece and detail of that work means something to you. This would then mean that if someone were to come by and want to change what you have written, it would tear at the very fiber of your being. Because every word was delicately placed and formatted to generate a specific emotion and appeal, and without that word or phrase your whole piece of art changes to something else.
I fear that my works may also not be viewed as "Christian Enough" because they are written from the point of view of a Christian who doesn't always speak the name of Jesus Christ in every post. Who doesn't always format his posts to be a resource for Christians to come to as a self-help kind of blog. I fear this almost every time I write. But in the end, I write telling the full and adulterated truth from the point of view of the Christian life. The Christian life is not always invigorating and "all-smiles." It is painful, tiring, and suffering. But yet this pain Christians feel is different, because there is a hope that 2 Corinthians 4 talks about, in which the Christian holds the hope in "Jars of Clay" in order that all may see the power of God. In order that all may see that the Christian is weak and should be broken, but yet still is perfectly put together because the Lord is their strength.
I love being able to pour out my heart in song, in poetry, in stories, and in written blogs. I just want to write to express myself. I want to feel the joy and excitement of going to my blog page and re-reading what I have written and saying to myself, "I wrote that." It excites me to create! And therefore that is what I will dedicate my life to doing, and that is creating. My heart is now at peace. I have done what I have wanted to do since I woke up this morning, and that is simply just create. I was fearfully and wonderfully made, and therefore will seek to create in the same way.
"Christian art is the expression of the whole life of the whole person who is a Christian. What a Christian portrays in his art is the totality of life. Art is not to be solely a vehicle for some sort of self-conscioius evangelism."
-Francis A. Schaeffer