Well, as much as I hoped this would be true, it was only true for as long as I allowed it to be true to my heart. I fell away from the passion I had for almost a good month. I became so overcome with focusing on myself. Focusing on whether or not I was "supposed" to go back to the College that I presently attend. Focusing on "my music" and recording "my'" EP. I was so focused on "my" girlfriend, "my" friends and family, and "my" life in general that I forgot that this life that I live is no longer mine.
I had become consumed with the thoughts of money and making money and being "successful" (I put quotations around the word because I believe success is based off of perspective) in life presently and in the future to come.
I just could not shake focusing on myself...until God softened my heart.
God in his grace and mercy showed me that he truly does know what his Children need before we even ask of it (Matthew 6:8). God, the day before I was supposed to fly down to Florida to go back to Southeastern University, opened up a way for me and my family to be able to receive every bit of money we had asked for in financial aid.
God, when I got back to Southeastern, softened my heart when I was able to go into a worship setting in a chapel at my school and finally not focus on other people and judging them, but instead sincerely and truly worshiping him and praying for them. God has spoken to my heart about joy, about suffering, about idol worship, and about purity in some of the greatest ways since I have been back at school and it's only been a little over a week since I have been here.
I wish I could sit here and explain every little detail that is coursing through my mind at this moment. I have so much on my heart that I wish to share, but the truth is I am so physically tired and my brain just isn't allowing me to organize my thoughts as well as I wish I could.
What I just want to say before I finish writing is that...I'm thankful. I'm thankful for being saved by grace through faith and not by works. I am thankful for the suffering whether emotional, financial, or physical. I am thankful for the word of God that has consistently found it's way into my being and attacked my heart at its core, over and over again. I am thankful that I have a blog to be able to share the way I am feeling and the way that God is moving to people all over the world (whether they read it or not haha).
I hope all of this makes sense haha I honestly do not know if it will because I am extremely tired. I love you all. God bless. I do plan to write more.